I can’t believe that I am still understanding the ripple effects of our actions and reactions in our lives and the lives of those around us. If positive, they spread far and wide but somehow it doesn’t feel like that. If negative, the shit just don’t stop. Depending on the gravity of what has been done, you can lose your life as you know it. I wish we all had a warning system where we could be reminded of what the plausibly lowest point of the step we are about to take. We could see the ripple all across the board and be able to step and go ‘damn, glad I didn’t do that’.

It is so surreal that I can forget the importance of things and how much worse it could be. I have been very fortunate with the love of my life and I cant even believe how much I have taken that for granted. If its not work, its family, if not that then its some hobby and so on so forth. How to make sure that things dont slip on a daily basis is the most important issue I deal with today.

Sometimes I spend so much time and energy focusing on one day and one effort that everything fades out. I do savour every moment of that day as it passes me by and nothing seems sweeter. But the day after, I am spent. My mind and body seem to just slow down, still reliving the hours of yesterday. Somehow this just seems right. I wish there was some other way to record those minutes, I would do it. At some time in my life, I hope to be able to hire a photographer to follow me around to record these precious memories. Maybe.

I spoke about being aware of the past yesterday, but there’s also a downside to that - being stuck in it. Sometimes I tend to think so much about the past and re-live those moments that I find myself in love with certain images and people. But, in reality, those people and images don’t exist today as they did earlier. This leaves me with a gaping hole in my mind and one which I have trouble filling. Today was one of those days and so a downer. I wish I had taken care of the person who had always been the secret of my energy. I feel like I have aged 10 years in the last 2.